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Author: Christina Menkemeller

An Unexpected Interview

Walking into Home Goods with a friend in search of pumpkin candles, I said: “I wish God would just find me the perfect job where it doesn’t matter if I go deaf.”

 

Knowing that my wish probably wouldn’t come true, I said a quick prayer to myself and continued with our shopping.

 

A few days later, my husband and I were sitting in the exam room waiting to see my new neuro-oncologist. Through a string of referrals that started with my ENT in Texas, we finally found a local doctor to manage my treatment.

 

The PA was the first one to come in the room. During her neurological exam, she made sweet small talk, which included: our recent wedding, moving to Florida, and my lack of employment.

 

Shortly after the PA left the room, she came back, but this time with my neuro-oncologist. He introduced himself and discussed my treatment options with us. Once the risks of treatment were explained and our long list of questions answered, the doctor abruptly switched subjects.

 

“So, I hear you’re a social worker.”

 

Somewhat caught off guard, I responded with “yes” and gave a short explanation of the timing of my diagnosis and my current unemployment.

 

“We just had a social work position approved for our clinic. I think you should apply if you’re interested.”

 

My jaw dropped. How could he possibly want me to work for him? As much as I wanted to tell him of course, I will ABSOLUTELY apply for the job!

 

I couldn’t help, but ask: “What if I go deaf?”

 

He casually responded, “Oh don’t worry, we’ll just adjust the job to make it work for you.”

 

I was shocked. This doctor hardly knew me. And the part of me that he did know was the part that I thought would make it almost impossible for me to find a job.

 

Before that day, I was struggling with my self-worth. I kept seeing myself as a risk to hire and assumed that no one would be able to look past my condition. Fresh out of graduate school, I was inexperienced. I would need to take time off frequently for my treatments and…I could go deaf at any moment. There weren’t many benefits to hiring me. At least I didn’t think so at the time.

 

A few weeks later, the job was mine.

 

No, it wasn’t a counseling job like I had initially planned, but it was a job. A job where I didn’t have to hide my condition and made my commute to treatment a mere 2-minutes long (depending on how slow the elevator was running).

 

At this point, I felt like God was just showing off. Not only did He answer my prayer, He moved mountains.

 

Shortly after starting the job, I met one of the therapists at the cancer center. After a couple of quick conversations, she offered to become my supervisor so that I could start pursuing my counseling license. Again, I was shocked.

 

Not only did I have a job, which was a miracle in itself, but I was also being handed the opportunity to follow my career dream; something that I had spent the last few months trying to forget.

 

How was it possible that God was putting so many people in my path that were willing to take a chance on me?

 

Not only were they giving me a chance, but they were pursuing me because of my condition.

 

Through my work with patients this last year, I finally started to see in myself what others had already believed. Yes, my condition presented certain challenges to the job, but it also enabled me to empathize with patients on a level that only comes from being an actual patient. Granted patients weren’t aware of my condition, but it allowed me to listen to their fears and frustrations with true understanding.

 

It taught me that my condition had made me a better social worker.

 

The connections I made with people, both patients and employees, made my job more than just a job. It gave me a chance to catch my breath while I adjusted to my new life. It helped me to learn how I can use my condition to help others. And it provided me with my Florida family.

 

I am forever grateful for the individuals who made this last year happen. And I can only hope that one-day, I will have the opportunity to pay it forward and take a chance on someone like myself.

 

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My Diagnosis

Engaged, earning a master’s degree in social work, and preparing to move to Florida. That was my life on February 28th, 2016.

 

On February 29th, 2016 (leap day) my perfectly planned life suddenly became a mystery. What I thought was a bad reaction to a medication in the form of sudden hearing loss and vertigo turned into a month of misdiagnosis and fear.

 

The first ENT thought I had Meniere’s disease and put me on a strict low sodium diet to prevent another vertigo attack. The next ENT told me I had sudden sensorineural hearing loss and said the best way to test his theory—eat a cheeseburger. If it didn’t cause vertigo, then I probably didn’t have Meniere’s disease. So, I ate a cheeseburger. No vertigo.

 

Neither ENT recommended that I get an MRI.

 

When I went to my follow-up with the original ENT, he again insisted that I had Meniere’s disease and claimed that it was happening in both of my ears. After a lengthy disagreement with the doctor followed by me sobbing with my fiancé in the car, I decided to ask my step-brother to get me an appointment with a specialist.

 

Two days later I was sitting in yet another ENT’s office, but this time I had a giant needle injecting steroids into my eardrum in an attempt to bring my hearing back. The doctor also ordered an MRI and blood work and scheduled a follow-up appointment for the next week to get my test results.

 

That was the first time in weeks that I felt hopeful. Unfortunately, it was short lived.

 

As I lay in the MRI machine, the technician informed me that she just needed to get one more image and was almost done. A few minutes later, she came back to the speaker and said, “actually I need to take a couple more images.”

 

That was it. I knew she found something.

 

As I crawled off the machine, the tech saw the panic in my expression and quickly tried to come up with a reason for having to take the extra images. I wanted to believe her, but couldn’t let it go.

 

The following week I sat in the exam chair as the doctor pointed to the nose-shaped blobs hugging my brainstem.

 

Tumors. Two of them. Benign, but still bad.

 

He said the discovery of these tumors meant that I have a rare genetic disorder called Neurofibromatosis Type 2. As I sat there trying to hold back tears, he gently explained that there is no cure and that my condition will need to be managed with frequent MRI’s and hearing tests. He also said that my hearing loss in my left ear is permanent and eventually I will lose all of my hearing in my right ear.

 

I will become completely deaf.

 

I honestly can’t recall how I responded at that point. All I remember is my sweet soon-to-be-mother-in-law holding me while we both cried.

 

During my 45-minute commute home, I tried not to cry as I challenged God’s plan for my life. I couldn’t believe he let this happen to me—especially during what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life.

 

Towards the end of my tearful drive, the song Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson came on the radio. That was my first time hearing it, and I couldn’t help but feel like that song was playing specifically for me.

 

The lyrics were the perfect reminder that I needed and offered me a glimpse of God’s grace at one of my weakest moments.

 

Now, a year and a half later, I look back on that day and think about the fear I felt. The overwhelming fear of the unknown. Part of me still deeply struggles with that fear, but a bigger part of me can’t help but feel grateful for my condition and the ways that God has used it.

 

My prayer for this blog is that it will be a message of gratitude and joy. I hope that it will bring a bit of encouragement to those who read it and a lot of light to those who need it.

 

If you want updates about our travels, subscribe to my blog to receive posts directly to your email. And if you want to keep up with us daily while we travel, follow me on Instagram at beingpositioned or Facebook @beingpositioned!